


Broken Piece

by Somecallmemichelle



Category: Degrassi, Degrassi the Next Generation
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Cannonball - Freeform, Canon LGBTQ Male Character, Character Study, First Person, Gen, Hope, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Texting, Texting and Driving, Transgender, character introspection, s13e06 Cannonball, third person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 15:36:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8167058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somecallmemichelle/pseuds/Somecallmemichelle
Summary: To Adam Torres life was in many ways different. If he had to describe it in one word it'd be "Uncomfortable", but it does get better, right?Set during Season 13 episode 6 "Cannonball".





	

Adam looked through his things one last time before heading into the car. Possessions, meager as they were, he didn’t care much for those. He had Becky, his girlfriend to worry about. He was glad that he had her, and that things were becoming better for himself. With a last look at his stuff, he noticed he had forgotten his cellphone and went to pick it up. Couldn’t forget about that.

 

It was a risk to text and drive, but then everything in his life was a risk. His form of being himself granted him that “benefit”. But he didn’t care enough to mope. He had learned a long time ago that it wasn’t going to change things, and, indeed, things were turning out for the better.

 

Through his cellphone he had access to a writing app, and, though he wasn’t online, and had never been that much of a writer, he felt the urge to document his progress, something. He didn’t know, didn’t care for the reason. It was stupid, he felt, but it was something he had to do.

 

He opened it and started typing. He was quick on the screen as he was used to texting his girlfriend, who he knew he should meet, so he walked and wrote, directly towards the car that was put in the far side of the shop.

 

He pondered how to start, but then, once he decided on total honesty, he knew that he would be able to. And so he did.

 

“I guess in hindsight it was always rather obvious….I mean I never felt totally comfortable in my own skin, after all. Everyone I knew told me that was natural, I mean, it was...life, teenagehood, childhood, whatever.

  
Bull! Yeah, I don’t mean to tell my friends or anyone else (except perhaps those who bullied me) that their discomfort, that bad in their skin, is no biggie, that it is nothing. But, frankly? It…

 

It isn’t that big of a deal. Everyone feels uncomfortable with themselves once in awhile. Hell knows I did when I arrived at Degrassi. But me feeling uncomfortable, pretty much every waking second, and me telling myself, even if it seems idiotic, that I’m awful...and that I’m a whole lot of other shit….”

 

He paused. This was harder than he thought. The cold winter air of Canada hit him harder than expected. It’d be night soon, not that he noticed it, too focused on his cellphone. Trying to think of what to say.

 

“People kept saying, it gets better, and it did, for me, it got better. I even got a girlfriend! And Lord knows how much I love that woman, but on the other hand that feeling never really went away.   
  
I guess I should have figured it out sooner, after all ever since way back in grade school, I pictured myself as the charming rogue, the handsome hero who would save the princess. When we drew ourselves, I didn’t draw those little half circles around the chest, or anything of the sort...At the time I wanted to be a Link, not a Zelda. I still do.

 

And sure I can say I accomplished most of that stuff, I turned out very handsome (HA!), and I’m a rogue, a wild card, but I am one which is kind of torn up.

  
The truth is, I never felt really comfortable. Some might look and wonder and say ‘What’s it like?’ and the truth was, it never was a big deal, I just learned to live with feeling like something else, until I tried to be myself and realised how addicting it was.

 

Like a drug, ya know? It starts off as a joke. You start dressing up less in skirts, which always made me feel like puking or disappearing into thin air and more in slacks and a shirt, and then I realise, yeah this is me. And that sensation goes away for a little while.

 

I don’t really know how hard it was until I was rid of it. I know that. But that was my choice, be bullied, or be myself, and once I was out...I could be myself, sure, which helped, but the bullying was so much worse.

 

On two separate occasions I was outed, and one had a much better result than the other. Now, it’s cold as a witch’s tit, and believe me, I know about tits, as I spent many years looking at mine and hating them. And I should probably head to the car and close this up.

 

In a way the only closure I could get would be death. I used to have those thoughts...those warped thoughts while I made myself bleed in the washroom, about how I’d be better off dead. But now I know better.

 

Suicidal people are hardly ever rational, and I wasn’t being very much rational then and there, I mean...me, dead? What for?

 

Degrassi has provided me with a second life, a second chance, and I even made some steps towards transition. Hey, they’re few but it helps. Overall I’ve got support, I’ve got friends, I’ve got someone who loves me...besides my family.

 

Why would I want death then? I guess I needed to relieve myself of those feelings, and so I wrote them all up. But my guess is I won’t look at this anymore, after I’m done with it.

 

I am, after all Adam. And Adam is strong, a rogue, handsome hero that jumps around like a bug. The best kind.”   
  
Adam pushed himself through the open space of the parking lot and into the car. It was now night time, he noticed, half surprised at how long this had taken to write. And he hadn’t wanted to do that many words. He got into the car and started it, briskly driving, until he heard a beeping noise. He had gotten a message from his girlfriend.

  
_ Guess it can’t hurt to text her, _ he thought...wrongly.

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
